So often when we talk about writers, we talk about their physical spaces as being crucial to what and how they write. But it seems to me that “place” where writers write is more of an internal construct than an external construct. This idea was validated for me when I read psychologist and creativity coach Eric Maisel’s terrific book, A Writer’s Space, which I reviewed here.
In our space, he says, “Like a surgeon, your goal is to focus. You want to muster your resources and canalize your energy.”
Canalize. Is that the perfect word or what?
He also says, that we are not merely seeking “a quiet room” but also “mental health.” In other words, we are seeking that sane inner space as well as the calm external space before we even start to write. And in my experience these are both prerequisites for successful productivity.
I know that I write better without interruption (although ironically I am being interrupted as I type this sentence by my daughter who wants me to come and see her latest acrobatic trick). This is why I typically get up early to write when the house is as quiet and still as it gets (with the exception of the cats, who are typically pretty active at this time).
I also like to write when the house is empty. When Jason and Samantha are at school, for example. Or in the summer mornings, if they have gone over to the high school so Jason can work at his desk there.
I know that I am a morning person. I know that I do my best and most productive writing in the morning. When all else fails. When I have to write in the afternoon or evening, I try and remove myself to the most quiet spot in the house like the basement or out on the patio under the Redwood tree. Whatever it takes.
A lot of the movies that depict mom writers portray them running away from their life circumstances. This was the case with the film “Motherhood” (2009) with Uma Thurman.
Chaotic as home life can sometimes be when you have a family, I don’t relate to this depiction of the frustrated would-be mom writer fleeing her life because my most productive years as a writer have come since motherhood, not before.
I think the premise that makes writing and life all work together under one roof for us is that everyone in the family has creative work that is important to him or her and it is the job of each person in the family, which operates as a team ideally, to support the goals and dreams of each of the other members of the family.
I suppose this requires a lot of understanding and flexibility on all of our parts, but it has also become so habitual that it feels completely natural at this point.
So if Samantha needs help mastering her bridge back-bend, we support her in that.
If Jason needs help working on his play prep for “Les Mis,” we support him in that.
And if mommy (that’s me) needs time and space to write her book, they support me, too.
There is no room for keeping up with the Jones(es) around here. We could care less what the Jones family is doing. We are not in competition with them. Nor do we wish to be like any other family other than our own.
Though, naturally, we wish them the best of luck with all of their creative projects. š
How do you balance writing time and the needs of your family?
Does everyone under your roof get to have and pursue their dreams?
How does this uphold their desire for self-expression?
And is your family happier as a result of family members supporting family members?
I look forward to your insights. š
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Christina,
Although it does take some time for children to understand that mommy is busy and not to be disturbed, I can relate my need for no interruptions to my six year old's need for no interruptions when he is drawing or building. Little ones can become so absorbed in their projects that they will not even come to eat. So, if explained that that is what mommy is doing now, they eventually get it.
I, too, need a quiet house to actually compose. But writing has so much other business that I can do at the dining room table, amidst all the life going on around, that that is where you can find me a lot of the time. Researching markets, social networking, even typing what I've handwritten (I still write and edit mostly by hand) can be done while still overseeing homeschoolers, answering the call of the washing machine or keeping an eye on the stove.
I could not imagine running away from my life to pursue my writing. My writing comes from my life and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Distractions can come from a number of places, not just children. This is a good article, thanks for ahraing it. I had to look up the word 'canalize.' It's an interesting word as well as an interesting use for it.
“3. to divide (a stream) into reaches with locks or dams, usually to maintain navigable depths.
4. to divert into certain channels; give a certain direction to or provide a certain outlet for. “
It's a visual I can really work with, the stream of ideas that gentle like a stream sometimes and roaring at me like a tidal wave. But with a canal, there are locks and dams, lifts and drops, all the control the traffice into a manageable line.
Thanks,
Hanna
As for the distractions, it is tough when living with someone who wants undivided attention, child or adult. Their idea of supportive is not very productive. I don't do well writing in the gaps of giving that attention, so I need to find spaces in my physical space as well as mental that I DO have, not just use
Sorry, I hit Send too soon and there are some typos as well as a paragraph I did not mean to send. Guess my canal was not controlling the traffic very well this morning.
I really appreciate this post, Christina. I find it very difficult at times to balance family life, work, and writing (as many of us do). I do, however, appreciate the balance that my crazy life has to offer. without my family, I doubt that I would be able to write. When I take the time to roll around and play with my kid or have lunch with my husband, that time spent energizes me and empowers me to be productive in my writing life.
I currently have a toddler and look forward to nurturing her creativity. Thanks again for a wonderful post.
I, too, like to write when the house is empty. Which these days is practically never! But I've also become much more productive since I had kids. Writing time is simply too rare & valuable to waste. I never used to write in the evenings or on weekends, but these days it's a must. My husband is very supportive & will take the kids to the pool or somewhere. It's funny — a neighbor mom ran into him there & asked where I was. When he said home working, she asked how she could get a day “off” from her family like me. Simple: you insist on it. š
Thanks for sharing, Carol. š
Thanks for chiming in, Hanna. š
You're welcome. Thanks for participating, Christie. š
Ah, yes, the assumption that you are home eating bon-bons and watching videos. I think most writing moms are familiar with that assumption…and how far from reality it actually is. š
I couldn't agree more, Christina, that what we need more than physical space is mental health. I have an uber-supportive husband, a nice writing space, and don't have children, so the distractions are more internal. The self-sabotage: promises I make that since I spent the morning cleaning the house, or working out, or grading papers, I'll spend twice as much time tomorrow writing (which I don't). The promise of tomorrow seems to haunt my today.
For me, it's about learning my rhythms and excuses and fighting them each morning; about not lying to myself about why I don't write; about not letting the future lull me into inaction. I suppose my writing habit will eventually evolve, but for now, I have to clear my head and put my behind in the seat (not check email, not surf, not answer emails), but find that mental space where I say to myself “I'm a writer” and then believe it enough to act.
Thanks for the thoughts!
Jen
“The promise of tomorrow seems to haunt my today.” I don't know a writer who is immune to this, Jen. Thanks for sharing! And so eloquently. š