If you are part of a creative couple and you both have creative ambitions and kids and extended families and pets and civic responsibilities, how are you going to make it all work? I mean, we don’t exactly live in a country that provides enough resources for everyone to express their deepest creative longings. If you are going to have a creative career, you’re going to have to build it and support it yourself.
So what makes creative partnerships work?
I’ve always wanted to write about creative couples. I’m an author/teacher/speaker and my husband is a teacher/director/producer and sometimes I wonder how normal our weekly workload is. For example, right now he’s mounting a production of “Guys & Dolls,” which means he’s working ten-eleven hours a day (and we haven’t even hit what we call “hell” week yet, which means he works day and night for about ten days).
I also work a lot of hours each week. It’s a little harder to add mine up because I often grab more time in the wee hours of the morning or on the weekend to add onto my usual 8:30 a.m. – 2:30 p.m. office hours. I typically get up early and work for an hour or two before my daughter gets up and then add a couple of hours on after she gets home while she decompresses or does her homework. All in all, I’d say I work about the same number of hours my husband does when he’s mounting a musical.
Keep in mind that I’m not merely writing. If I were only writing, I could work about half as much time but only after cutting out teaching, speaking, traveling, coaching, blogging, volunteer work, and social networking. And there’s no way I’d do that because I enjoy all of the other things I do. (Although when working on a book, I necessarily cut back a bit.)
Fortunately for us, we both enjoy our work. My husband puts up the best non-professional musicals I’ve ever seen with the help of some other really amazing professionals and an army of volunteers who work with the kids. And I’ve been fortunate to have steady, modest success in the things that I do.
So what makes it work? I think I’d have to say that mutual support is key to a happy partnership. I was the one who encouraged Jason to go back to school for theater. Some people think pursuing a career in the arts is impractical, but for people who are meant to work in the arts pursuing an advanced degree in the arts can be the most practical thing a person can possibly do. By adding a teaching degree on to a masters in Theater, my husband has balanced his creative talents with a reliable job.
And by combining writing with the other things that I do, I’m not sitting at home, idle, while my husband is having cue-to-cue rehearsal, tapping my foot and looking at the clock. I’m occupied with my own work. And there is no one I would rather share my latest successes or frustrations with than my husband, when he gets home after a long day at work.
How supportive are you of your partner’s creativity or creative career ambitions?
I’d love it if you’d comment here or write a post in your blog and link back. Thanks for sharing.
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Hey Christina:
Yes, I agree: it is important to try to create a win-win situation.
Too many people end their relationships in acrimony and it can lead to divorce or worse. It seems to be a worrisome trend in our society too.
Especially when you are in a “creative” career or field, it is helpful if your significant others, relatives and friends understand where you are coming from: try to be on the same page with these important people in your life.
However, I think with the pulls and tugs that is life: well, it is easier said than done, but still one must strive for excellence and not perfectionism. Thanks.
I *love* Guys and Dolls. The show is a lot of work. In my coupledom, my husband has a full-time corporate job working with managers in at least 10 countries. Thankfully, he has weekly meetings with some of them in the evenings after I'm asleep and can do it from his home office. We adjust to our schedules and any unexpected changes. Couldn't ask for a better partner in work and life.
I'm part of a creative duo as well. My wife and I are both writers and full time parents, etc. etc. I agree that mutual support is KEY, and you also need healthy, fluid, and consistent communication. If you're able to communicate your needs to one another clearly and without artifice or ego, then there is always a solution to be picked up and used.
This is a great lead-in to my next post on the topic. Thanks, Sean!
The global economy and the impact on creative couples is also a good topic, Meryl. Let me think on it…
I love what you said about striving for excellence and not perfectionism. That is pure poetry to my ears. Thanks for sharing, Archan.
Indeed! I have clients around the US, Switzerland and Ukraine. I've worked with folks in Austria and China in the past.
My husband and I are both writers, and I have to say “ditto” to everything Sean said. Even more so if you decide to co-write something together, which we are currently doing. We also share our blog, and sometimes we do argue over who gets to post next. Haha.
But it is nice to have your spouse understand things like character development, and be there to help you get out of the corner you wrote your story into. The best thing, though, is you have someone to bounce ideas off of whenever the thought strikes you. Our son probably thinks he has the craziest parents in the world… discussing alien worlds and combat moves and plot twists, and talking about our characters like they're real people. 🙂
Great, interesting topic! 🙂 My husband is a non-profit CEO/entrepreneur and he used to be a journalist. Since I'm a writer, we definitely can bounce ideas off of each other and it's great! As a former copywriter, I help him advertising copy when needed and he helps me with the big picture writing ideas, plus he's my unpaid computer guy!
The hard part is that both of us are equally devoted to boosting our careers, so at times we find it dicey to balance parenting our two kids. What helps is when we both pitch in and give the other one “extra” time and help if they've got a big project. We also are pretty equal in sharing housework and parenting duties, so that's not a big deal. Since we both understand what it's like to be creative for a living, I feel that he and I both help each other to be successful. Not always easy, but worth it.
I totally understand, Jenny. I'll be helping my husband with his press releases for his musical this weekend but ask me if I have gotten any of mine out lately. 😉 Thanks for sharing!
Oops, for a second I thought you were married to Sean, Lydia. But don't worry, I straightened myself out! Another great topic is the impact creative partnerships have on kids. Definitely something I plan to discuss. I'm sure you are doing your son a huge favor. Thanks for sharing!
My husband and I both write and encourage eachother. He is really the reason I started writing again, when I let him read something I had written and he insisted I write the book. He is non-fiction and I am fiction, so it is fun to read and proof and help one another. Seems that we are editing eachother almost daily.
Our kids are creative creatures as well – makes for contant source of entertainment in our home.
My husband and I are both writers for my business Murdering The Text but also have ambitions to write in other fields (novels for me, screenplays for him). We not only support each other's work and create together but we also drive each other on (proverbial kick and deriere).