Happy Birthday To Me: What I Have Learned About Happiness

You may have heard, it’s my birthday today.

I have been around the sun 45 times. That’s a long way to travel and I’ve got the weathered vehicle to prove it.

I’m fairly happy by nature but I’ve had my tough go-rounds in life, just like anyone else. I was lucky enough to get a couple biggies over with when I was younger.

Hopefully you won’t ever mistakenly think that just because I am “successful,” I don’t have any challenges in life. Because, of course, that’s absurd.

Everyone has challenges and goes through tough times. Transcending (and okay, sometimes just surviving) them builds character. After all, if we’re not growing than what’s the point of being here?

In the past, whenever I would go through tough times, I would joke, “Well, since I’m learning all of this stuff now, hopefully I will get to skip the mid-life crisis.”

And guess what? It looks like I get to skip the mid-life crisis. (But check back with me at 50, just in case.)

In the spirit of my birthday, and because I have been instructed to be happy at least 200 times already today (thanks Facebook friends!), I thought I’d share a few things I have learned about being happy.

This way, if the mid-life crisis starts to rear its ugly head, I can come back and find this post and read it. Here goes:

The Keys To Happiness: At Least For Me

Choose to be happy. Happiness is a choice.

Eschew cynics and cynicism. Cynicism is like a deadly mildew that can potentially smother authentic happiness.

Happiness comes from within. A wise person once said that there is a kingdom within…there is a queendom, as well, and her name is happiness.

Happiness has nothing to do with perfection. Happiness is actually very wabi-sabi.

Everyone likes a person who is self-content. Nobody really enjoys being with a miserable person (except other miserable people seeking consensus).

Remember that your happiness is your job. Don’t expect others to make you happy, unless you want to embark on a lifelong pursuit of the elusive and unattainable.

Don’t always expect happiness to do cartwheels. If you can sit on the floor in an empty room and be peaceful and still, you are likely happy.

Know what makes you happy. For me, some classical or jazz music, a lit candle or fire, some comfty clothes and something to write in and with can pretty much make me happy any time, any where.

Once you know what makes you happy, do it. Don’t be a martyr or a masochist. Nobody asked you to. Besides, righteousness is a close cousin to cynicism.

If you are unhappy, unselfish giving almost always creates a happy uptick. However, if you are unhappy and you give just so you can get, that’s manipulation. It might work for you in the short run, but it will probably blow up in your face in the long run.

Once you discover your sources of happiness, grow and expand them. Don’t get carried away, though, a gradual approach works just fine.

If you have people in your life who cause you to feel persistently unhappy, take a closer look. What are you tolerating from them that you would never tolerate from someone else? Stop tolerating it and you’ll immediately feel happier. (But don’t try and change them, just change you.)

Remember that happy people are loving people. You can’t help but love others if you love yourself. Be on the lookout for ways to share your happiness with others.

This one is big: all those people who came with the package you were born into, accept them for who they are. You should change and grow and improve with time. They don’t have to. Deal with it.

Once you become happy, befriend others who are happy. When people are unhappy, give them space and let them work it out. Other people’s unhappiness is not your project. Try hobbies instead.

If someone you care about is dangerously unhappy, ask if there is anything you can do to help. But don’t rescue because it’s disrespectful.

Do what you can for others within reason, but don’t make needless personal sacrifices because you think it’s holy. There are no shortcuts to lasting happiness.

And this above all: never apologize for being happy. Your suffering is not a prerequisite to some future prize. The door to happiness is within. You were born with it. We were all born with it. Open the door and find out what’s inside. Make it bigger and then share your joy.

Happiness is your job, after all. Imagine what kind of world we would be living in if everyone believed they deserved to be happy.

Happy birthday to me! I’m going to go build a fire now. Because that’s my job.

~ Home fire 5 photo by anoldent