I can’t think of a mom I know who would not want to read Christa Melnyk Hines e-book, Confidently Connected, A Mom’s Guide To A Satisfying Social Life.
While I recognize that everyone has their own idea what “a satisfying social life” means to them, most women these days are dealing with more “shoulds” and “ought tos” than our mothers and grandmothers ever faced.
Modern life is complex. Opportunities for social interaction have exploded in the past decade. Women are busier than ever. We are also smart, educated, and individually unique. With the exception of etiquette experts, who are fully prepared to remind us what not to do, we moms don’t seem to have many resources helping us choose what to do, how to do it wisely, and when enough just might be enough.
And this is exactly where Christa’s book waltzes in with all of the sensitivity and conscientiousness you would expect from a communications expert. This is not the kind of book you need to read a hundred times just to understand one obscure concept. This is the kind of e-book you read nodding all the way through because it’s so refreshing to know that someone has encountered the same challenges you have in everyday situations. After you finish Confidently Connected, you will walk away feeling empowered with solutions to challenges you may not have known were even bothering you!
And if this e-book is so effective that you become the most popular mom in town, you can always come back to it when you are feeling over-committed and pick up some pointers on how to cut back sensibly and respectfully. Introvert, extrovert, or a bit of both, I hope you will test-drive Confidently Connected by Christa Melnyk Hines. She’s launching her e-book today and she would love your feedback and participation.
Thanks for helping us spread the word! Please say hello to Christa!
I understand you have had some personal experience turning a situation where you felt disconnected into one where you felt connected. Can you tell us about that?
When I first left the work force to stay home with my newborn son, I was completely consumed with naps, feedings, changing diapers and trying to figure out if I was doing any of it “right.” I had no family nearby and my friends worked. It was frustrating not to be able to talk to someone who could relate to my typical day. Creating a social life seemed too overwhelming and difficult in the midst of new motherhood. As we settled into a comfortable routine, I began noticing what a clock-watcher I’d become. Is the mail here yet? How many more hours until Oprah? How much longer until my husband comes home? I was bored. I was lonely. And, I felt guilty and conflicted because I didn’t understand how on one hand I felt so unhappy and anxious, and on the other, I felt so besotted with my newborn.
I reached out to a friend in another city, and she suggested I join a moms’ group. Connecting with a group of mothers of young children made a huge difference in my self-confidence as a mother and my overall level of happiness. All of a sudden, I’d discovered a tribe that I could belong to and thrive in! With that renewed sense of connection, I had the energy to restart work on my master’s thesis and began to realize that as much as my life revolved around my son, I was a better mom if I gave myself permission to pursue my personal interests and goals, too.
What causes moms to feel disconnected in our society?
I believe depression plays a role in a mom’s sense of disconnection and vice-versa. Research suggests that stay-at-home moms are more prone to depression compared to working moms, perhaps due to a weak support system outside of the home. Nonetheless, whether you stay home or work, according to WomensHealth.gov, approximately 13% of pregnant and new moms suffer from depression. That statistic is probably larger since it doesn’t include the number of women who suffer in silence. People who are depressed are more likely to isolate themselves. And women who lack a healthy social support system are more at risk for depression.
If you are depressed, the prospect of connecting with others can be overwhelming. Disconnection can creep in over time (especially if you are depressed) or can happen all of a sudden, such as with a move to a new community away from a core support system of friends and/or extended family.
Obviously, a social network isn’t a cure for depression (you should consult with your physician if you think you might be depressed), but having a support system can help any mom feel more connected and happier.
What are the benefits of reading your e-book? What strategies will I be able to apply immediately if I’m feeling lonely and disconnected for whatever reasons?
For moms feeling stuck about how to revive and sustain a healthy social network, my e-book offers multiple paths out of isolation. For those who feel anxious or shy about how to strike up conversations with other moms, I include conversation ice-breakers and tips about body language awareness. I also break down different ways to connect both online and offline. Moms can pick and choose what works best for them according to their personality, their parenting philosophy and their interests. The e-book includes other moms’ experiences, which will help readers feel less alone and more empowered to reach out to others.
What about for moms who tend to be more introverted who are hesitant to reach out to others consistently?
In many ways, I consider myself an introvert. I recharge by hanging out quietly by myself, reading, writing or pursuing other interests. But I’ve found that I need to get out of my head, engage in lively discussions, laugh and commiserate with others to feel fully alive. We are a social species and even introverts need to connect, just in smaller doses than extroverts. To know that about yourself is empowering because then you can better understand the types of social groups that best match your personality. Look into groups that are smaller in size and not so intimidating or groups that offer small get-togethers, which can be easier to navigate. Your group may offer daily get-togethers, but be aware that too much interaction can drain your energy. Adjust your level of participation depending on what works best for your personality.
I know plenty of moms I might call hyper-connected. Will over-committed moms get something out of your e-book?
Yes! Even though engaging in new social circles and making new friends is fun, wishy-washy boundaries can cause many of us to feel like our social lives are spinning out of control. Confidently Connected will help you clarify your boundaries and give yourself permission to pare down when you’re being pulled in too many directions. You will learn how to honor your personal needs and your family’s needs when weighing the decision of whether or not an activity is worth the added stress.
With cliques and bullying and all kinds of social anxieties cropping up at our kids’ schools. How does following the advice in your e-book set a good example for my kids?
Our children watch our interactions carefully and model how we develop and sustain friendships. Barring a developmental or behavioral disorder, a child whose parents have isolated themselves may struggle more to initiate and sustain connections successfully compared to a child whose parents are more sociable. I think learning how to form and value friendships can make a huge difference in a child’s long-term happiness and self-confidence. In turn, understanding how to manage draining relationships and cliquish behavior (which I address in this e-book) is also an important skill for moms to model, especially as kids get older and peer relationships grow increasingly important.
Christa & Christina at the Missouri Writer's Guild Conference 2012.
Moms will find plenty of ways to connect virtually through online moms groups, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and mommy blogs. Deciding which social networks to join, designating boundaries and figuring out how to integrate yourself into the group can pose challenges. Either you’ve got conversations going on all over the place or you aren’t sure where to begin. My e-book provides tips about how to manage social networking and how to create boundaries in the online world.
This is not an e-book about marriage, but how might reading your e-book and following your advice improve my relationship with my significant other?
Although this isn’t a marriage advice book, Confidently Connected does address the importance of communicating our needs with our spouses. Resentment can easily build up in a marriage when we create expectations in our heads without communicating those expectations. You each have personal interests you want to pursue outside of the home. Negotiate time out of the week so that you can each participate in activities that you enjoy. When your nurture yourself and support each other’s interests, your marriage will grow stronger as a result.
Are there long-term benefits to reading your e-book?
While my e-book helps moms find ways to network and connect, long-term it also helps them see that our social circles are fluid. Over time, certain friendships may die off and that’s okay. We may find other relationships draining and want to seek an exit. So this e-book not only addresses the initiation of connections, it also provides information that helps moms move through social interactions in a way that’s healthy for them and works with their priorities.
Thank you, Christa!
Visit http://christamelnykhines.com/ to learn more about Confidently Connected and to meet Christa. Christa is a freelance journalist from Olathe, Kansas, located in the Kansas City metro area. She divides her time between her writing career and her busy family, which includes her husband, two active boys and a pair of playful mutts. Fascinated by the interplay of our everyday relationships, Christa frequently explores family dynamics and parenting issues from a communication perspective in her writing.
If you have a moment, it would be great if you could help Christa compile lists of movies about friendship and books about friendship. Thanks for reading!