I have had the distinct pleasure of knowing and working with Judy M. Miller for five years. Anyone who knows Judy will always notice that everything she says and does is full of heart. Whether she is writing about adoption or personal experience, readers always get the sense that Judy has kept her intelligence firmly in touch with to her emotions and soul. Please help me welcome Judy!
Introducing Judy M. Miller
Judy M. Miller is the author of the internationally selling What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween and has penned tens of dozens of articles and essays that grace magazines and anthologies such as A Cup of Comfort for Adoptive Families, Pieces of Me: Who Do I Want to Be?, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Thanks Mom, Sensational Journeys, and Women Writing on Family. When not parenting her crew of four, she works with pre- and adoptive parents throughout and outside of the U.S. Judy also teaches her popular class Tweens, Teens & Beyond online. A sought after speaker, she has presented at numerous symposia and appeared on radio about parenting children who have been adopted. Learn more about Judy at www.judymmiller.com.
Learn about What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween
Research supports just how important it is for parents to understand the issues inherent in adoption. Adopting parents should be familiar with tools they can use to help their children navigate what they are feeling, and have the confidence to put feelings into action. What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween guides parents in assisting their tweens (ages six and older) in understanding, examining and resolving adoption-related issues as they happen, and empowering their children to feel self-confident, whether parents are in the “trenches”, on the cusp, or getting ready to parent a tween down the road. What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween has been called “a reference source, workbook, psychology manual, and a very wise encouraging friend.”
What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween covers:
- The complex issues inherent in adoption that parents may or may not be aware of and how they can manifest
- The psychosocial development of the child, from birth to adolescence
- The role of the parent and parental fears
- The importance of good communication and how to do it
- Ideas and tips for parenting, supporting and staying connected to the tween who has been adopted
I asked Judy three questions about our giveaway’s theme topic, self-expression:
1. Is self-expression an important part of your life today, why or why not?
The older I become the more expressive I’ve become, and the more comfortable I become with exploring new ways to express myself. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I’m not expressing myself, sharing why I write, and why I teach.
I did write as a child, even creating and producing my own 132-page magazine in 8th grade, complete with an advice column, stories, decorating and cooking sections, and ads. It was the most fun I had in grade school, and one of my proudest moments when I reflect back. I can still see the pages.
I didn’t write creatively until about five years ago, at the urging of my husband. I found I had a lot to process (and still do). I also found that writing centered and healed me. I was hooked, and continue to write and build my platform, casting wide and deep.
What does self-expression mean to you and how do you do it in the world?
Self-expression means the world to me, however I feel it comes with accountability, responsibility, thoughtfulness, and grace. I write in the niche of adoption, which can be quite complex and emotional. I write from the heart and from my personal experiences. I am truthful. I try not to make all-inclusive statements, unless supported by research, because they will bomb. I know how I feel when someone makes a blanket statement or assumes. I read and listen a lot and then write about what I’ve learned. Everyone, in some way, is a teacher.
How does your self-expression impact the world—your family, your friends, your readers, and everyone else?
There is much pain in the constellation of adoption, and I need to honor that. Don’t get me wrong, there’s immense joy as well, however the loss, grief (and other issues entwined with them) and tough questions and answers are always present—spoken or unspoken. I prefer to speak them and writing has given me the vehicle and confidence to do so.
My writing and speaking reaches out to others, encouraging them to do the same. I’ve become a very confident advocate for the vulnerable, oppressed, adoption, adoption issues, open records, and openness. I believe there has been a great deal of “wrong” in adoption and, like many, I want to see things change, improve. One of the nicest compliments I received recently was from an adult who had been adopted, who cried through my entire conference presentation, and then said, “I didn’t know an adoptive parent could be like you. Thank you.”
And Now, Your Turn…
You remember how this works right?
Please read the complete rules at least once!
I ask you a question.
You answer in the comments for your chance to win a book each day.
Please just respond once, even if you make a typo. 
Answer in the comments in 50-200 words (no less and no more to qualify to win one of today’s books).
Describe a moment in your life in full detail when you felt completely content and fulfilled. Just pick one and describe it fully for us.
Ready, set, comment! I will hold the drawing tomorrow and post the results here in my blog.
Thanks for participating in the Writer Mama Every-Day-In-May Book Giveaway!
And thanks for spreading the word. We will be giving away great books by wonderful women authors all month.
View the complete list of authors and books.
View the giveaway Pinterest board.
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Actually it was this last Mother’s Day – typically I do not put pressure on the day and keep it relaxing and soothing with some time spent talking to my mom who’s been gone now eighteen years. With adult children and grandchildren, keeping the day calm is not as easy as it seems but with low expectations come low disappointments. However, this year my husband who for twenty-three years has said “You’re not my mom,” made the morning exceptionally wonderful. He had a damaged anniversary ring of mine repaired with instructions to insert birthstones of all nine grandchildren. Over the day, flowers and gifts arrived, and Facebook kept the rest of the long distance
family celebrating with me. I curled up on the couch and realized everyone was healthy and happy around me, leaving me with a warm contented sigh for days.
What a beautiful gift from your husband, Kathleen!
The day was July 5, 2010. My boyfriend had been deployed to Iraq for a year. During that time we were able to talk via Yahoo! messenger nearly every day and he would call me once a week. However, having him so far away just wasn’t the same thing as having him near. The excitement of having him come home was almost palpable to me, like I might be able to touch it if I reached just the right way. I was due to pick him up on post that day, though I had no real way to know exactly when his unit would arrive. So I sat on bleachers in one of the training gyms with my heart in my chest. Finally they all started filing in and I scanned the crowd of soldiers intensely. During a short ceremony that seemed to take forever I continued to scan. Finally it was over and the soldiers started dispersing looking for family members. Then I saw him. We rushed toward each other and he grabbed me in a huge hug. I will never forget the joy and peace I felt in that moment.
I want to cry with joy when reading what you’ve shared, Monika. I feel this way with my kids, such sensory hunger for them when we’ve been apart. And yes, I still feel it for the big guy after 22 years of marriage.
Just about every evening as I sit down and snuggle with one of my girls and they fall asleep in my arms. My oldest loves to have her back rubbed. Sitting on the couch, holding her as I massage her back, arms and legs and feeling her warm body relax in total trust and then become heavy as she drifts to sleep is the most content feelings and one which I would love to capture and hold forever. The smell of the lotion, the warmth of whoever I am holding, their individual scent – they are moments I never want to let go of and will remember for the rest of my life, no matter how hard the tween/teen years get. Thankfully, even in the tween years my oldest still craves one on one snuggle time with me.
Last weekend on Mother’s Day we drove from Boulder to Red Rocks, my husband and I in the front seat of the rental car, our three 20+-year- old children wedged side-by-side in the back. We shared funny memories from their childhood and pointed out cool things in the passing scenery.
It’s been years since we’ve taken a road trip together. Everybody was getting along. No sibling rivalry, no teen angst, no parental bickering, no “are we there yet.”
With one “child” just graduated with her BA, the other weeks away from her MBA, and the third with many internship opportunities before his senior year in college, it was obvious
they were proud of what they’d achieved in life and excited about what future will bring.
I realized that this opportunity to be together for the day, just
the five of us, may never come again. Soon they will have families of their own and others will need to be included. But for that moment in time, it was like it used to be when they were young. Surrounded by so much love, and knowing that my husband and I did a good job parenting, I was completely content and fulfilled.
After a long, lonely pregnancy I gave birth to my first child. His father had been deployed for most of my pregnancy and was due to come home only a few days later for a 3+day visit, before he would deploy again for a 15-month tour. Because they were initially concerned over our baby’s breathing, he had been put into the neonatal nursery, instead of rooming in with me. What followed was a week-long chain of events that kept me so much further from my boy than I wanted to be. I was discharged from the hospital without him, and shuttled back and forth to visit and to breastfeed. And then, finally, they let him come home. My husband was leaving the following day for Afghanistan, and we drove home together, us three, from the hospital. And we were a family. Whole. Happy. and Complete.
April 8 2007, 10:30 AM. Opening the mail there was a small
white envelope, hand written in small neat script, with a UK post mark. In that instant I knew this letter was what I had been waiting for more than forty years. I shouted to my husband, “It’s my sister!”
He worried that I was jumping to conclusions but I knew, I had no doubts. Opening it confirmed I was right. Knowing she knew about me was such a comfort. We share a father we don’t know, with childhoods that mirror each other, and mothers who look alike. We have no full siblings. In that moment I felt less alone, relieved that someone would understand how I feel about the strangeness of not knowing who I am, what my roots are, of having no memories of my father. Knowing she was out there and wanted to contact me gave me a sense of peace, a sense of belonging, only four months apart we are like twins.
From the beginning this moment was right up there with the best days of my life.